?

Log in

[icon] you smell scared
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries

Security:
Subject:Jar Of Blood
Time:12:51 am
Current Mood:accomplished
 I remember everything, I fucking remember every single thing, down to the last damn detail. I remember my first kiss with Monica playing spin the bottle in the back of the middle school, it lasted 10 seconds. Then of course, the time when I was the only kid with casual clothes on a regular friday, weirdo. I remember being afraid of older kids I could have beat the crap out of. I remember my first surf, my first sex session, I remember my first cigarette. Or how about the time I lied to my parents and I got caught? Smartass, you thought you knew it all. Time flies, so damn fast! I remember Erica and her fucked up world, and how I was nowhere near good enough to make her shit feelings be any different than or at least the same as a stray dog eating out of a garbage bag. I remember how I liked Natasha, and then I met Alexandra a week later and I forgot about Natasha. Even though Alexandra turned out to be my first love, and who would rather me be dead now, I wish I would have just for that time, made something happen with Natasha, I mean we had everything in common, she was absolutely badass! And she brought me soup when I was sick, wtf! who does that if they dont care for you? Thing is, she wont talk to me anymore because I led her on during that time and then "pooof" I made that feeling vanish. I remember Vanessa, fucking girl! I loved that girl like no other, I dont even know why, she just did it for me then. I wanted to be a "good guy", I met her a few months before I was due to move out to california, I was 19 and she was 17, at that age, its all good I guess. I remember this detail that she was a virgin, and I loved her so I chose not to take her virginity and move away, in my head that felt fucked up. So I just left it like that, we "dated" I guess over the phone for a few weeks, but when you are young all that goes away when theres that distance between two people. So she lost it to some other fool, years passed and I went back and saw her again, yeah we got intimate but it was not the same for me anymore. What did I want, for her to wait for me?? you gotta be kidding me. Life goes on and it did go on. One time, I heard her stop herself right as she was about to say "I love you". It was more like "I love y...yawwwwn" and go to sleep now. Somehow, it was as if you are trying to repair and old broken bone. Then I walked into a club and saw her with her fucking ex. This fool that also slept with Alexandra (yeah the girl from a few lines above). Thats when I drew the line, so I went to her house the next day to get my camera, and homegirl snapped a photo of my at first sight, I still have that photo, and my face has this expression of death. I never saw her again, she tried to contact me after, but fuck it. As much as I loved her and wanted to set her face on fire, I just let it be. Sometimes I think the more pain I feel the better it gets. I just love that fucking burning in my chest.
I remember so much more also, details and days and events that probably are useless to know or to dig up. How about Jenny Rose Stone?
god If I could just see her one more time and tell her how sorry I am and what an asshole I was. She was full of grace and sweet as they come. Tigra? ahhhh, she still knows I got mad love for her, I told her this a few weeks ago. This post is pissing me off and you know why? because hidden between all the good experiences, are trails of shit experiences that overall make me feel and look like an asshole. Glenda, if you knew how much I liked you, but then I slept with your friend. I was a bad person, im so fucking sorry. I dont even know why I acted like that, it just all seems so alien to me now. Then after so much emotional abuse and bad decision making, I meet Karen, who turns out to be the next big thing in my life, soon after, I go for vacations in Peru and run into Diana, who I grew up with and just ticked something in me that made me go wild. Can you really love two people at the same time? I guess. But Karen was enormous in my life, I truly and really really loved her to death. She is a pure soul that just wants to be happy, what more can anyone ask for? But not for me, I have this dark void that I cant pin-point. Its a bad cloud that follows me everything. I compare it to an ice sculpture and then I just walk by it and melt it to shit.
What I really think it all means is that I dont really deserve any of the things I have, not my limbs, my health or my brain. I have lived, seen and felt enough and If it was all to end tomorrow, I would be more than glad to go. Just worried about my mother crying herself to death. Crazy times I insist. But I am trying, with every breath and every morning to just get rid of this chip on my shoulder, to be an ok person at the least. I wish I could go back and make amends with many many people, sad thing is you only get one chance to make a lasting impression, I have failed so it only feels right to go far away, to a place where its just literally impossible to link to anything from my past. I long for that chance and that day, because to be honest, I do more harm than good, its just my nature. And sometimes, I forget people, they go right over my head and when I turn back, its just way too late.

this is it, there is no more writing or expressing. Those days are long over.
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Current Music:Modest Mouse "third planet"
Security:
Time:07:04 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful


This FRIDAY NIGHT AT CHURCHILLS my new band, ARSONIST and I are playing for the very first time! Please come out and support us! Besides, Churchills is cool on its own anyway and girls will be able get in for FREE before 10pm. Pretty sweet deal, right?

Everything starts at 8pm

Other Bands:

AC Cobra
Obscene
Malicioso
Pool Party
Sayonara Tokyo
Dyslexic Postcards
The Monday Photo

Churchills Pub
5501 NE 2nd Ave
Miami, FL 33127

It’ll be CHEAP, too!

comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:12:57 pm
first, i get fired from work for yelling out cuss words. Before i walk out with all my belongings, i decapitate the person responsible for being near me during my moment of rage and getting me fired. I put his head inside a metal bucket full of water and put it in a fridge. His body i covered with books. I go outside in the rain, and my car was stolen. The cop tells me only a lighter was taken, and thankfully, they did not break the window to get in. Hours later, she has a baby i did not know about, and its mine. He looks transparent, has tattoos, and can already stand up. But i loved the poor little thing. After that, i remember forcing myself awake because things just got too creepy.
Thanks to one person, yesterday was the best day in years. And all we did in the little hours was just talk non-stop. amazing-how it can just take one person out of the millions around us to spark up an honest smile. And honest feeling. I am very thankfull such beings still walk the earth.

Salt, shells, not enough hazelnut ice-cream.
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:01:29 pm
and now for your daily "Alejandro's number one regret" post:

1) The most beautiful woman i have ever met, liked me. And of course, i pushed her away.

now she is with another man, and i am completely miserable.

i sleep dreaming that the sun will shine upon my face away. just one more time.
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:12:39 pm
using dictionary words to explain situations and social relations? thats kind of like putting butter ontop of a garlic roll. Simple unnecessarity. I could easily say "my friends lives are far more exciting than mine"...or stop feeling like the sun burnt off my lips. If only i was on national television. Before the super bowl, or on the price is right. Anything with the chance.
Maybe coming back to this place wasnt really the best idea. Everyone seems to love the fact but me. I just cant get off on it. I feel like i am searching for lost hopes. Its true, once you leave some place, coming back isnt really coming back. Its like i am a ghost and all life has moved on without me and here i am trying to catch the fish.
i guess it could be worse. I just really dont see the point anymore. Sometimes people just grow off things. Like inmature girls trying to act like women. Ridiculous career attempts. It all has something to do with "happiness". who, what, where, how do i want this. In many forms i guess.
i mean, what am i really doing here? all i seem to be doing is spending a lot of money, and a lot of valuable time. Nothing else (not even social relationships) seem to be going nowhere. At least one should have that right? i feel like i am watching a 4 hour scene of the most boring movie, and no music.
the tides have come in, and washed away any foot prints.

this is ridiculous, doesnt serve a purpose, no punch lines.
comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:january
Time:08:03 pm
one of the very bad things about me is that i teach myself to not give a fuck. Mostly because 98% of the time, my mind is way ahead of my body. I see through so many things and so many people and i really dont like it. Its kind of like i know what people are thinking and i am full of shit. Whats even worse is that everything that will happen tomorrow already happened to me yesterday. I am so bored. But its fun watching everyone around me move the way they do. Been there, done that, its not impressing anymore really. I try though, i really really do. I never mean any harm. Harm just happens to me and i get off on it. I am a terrible influence only because i already know nothing good will come out of this. I already saw the end and i am really not concerned. Its fun though, im gonna go out and introduce substances into my system, run into people that act like they care, and i will fake it back.
comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:doesnt mean much at akk
Time:01:53 pm
if i knew how confused i was, then maybe i'll calm down for a minute, put my feet up and filed my cup with more pisco. Its a beautiful memory of love if you can remember actually. I am for sure a dreamer. Peru was wonderfull. I carry with me memories only i alone got to experience, in ways that could never be forgotten. I feel in more than many ways completed. But it isnt over. I cant remember when was the last time i have ever felt anything remotely close to this.
comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:04:43 pm
this is me puking :

whhhooeeeeeewwweeeeellllllllllggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhjjjjjjjj.......(spits) whipes mouth, oh ffffhhhhhhhhurrrrrryyyijj
comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:las palpitaciones
Time:02:29 pm
i am typing this on a peruvian keyboard, enjoying good peruvian weather. im talking. clouds, no sun, and lots of fog. and people listen to music from 5 years ago, and its new...ohhh this just in. i think im staying. because, this is reality. right here. and when you see, the lowest of lows...which is right infront of me, right here....then you can really say how low is low. i can smell it. the piss on the walls, the herpes on the dogs skin, the dirty hands of the population. i think im going to stay. right here.
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:oh i love a good meal
Time:01:37 am
sometimes, a lot of things and a lot of people seem more and more like a joke. A lot of times i find myself surrrounded by pure amounts of lies. Most of the time i dont even know why my feet are buried in cement.
its funny though. really, it is.
you know? females. women. girls. i dont think i will ever come to understand such kind. they are all completely different. and they all want the same exact thing, just different. make any sense? i didnt think so either. which is funny though. it really, really is.
comments: Leave a comment Share

[icon] you smell scared
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries